Last week we reported the news that in between his duties as a Minter Ellison lawyer, Eren Myers has apparently carved out a niche’ in after-hours personal training. Not only that, but he also apparently finds time to offer advice to high-profile alleged rapists

We sought some clarity from Minters on whether Mr Myers was acting on behalf of the firm when he gave advice to sacked St Kilda footballer Andrew Lovett about his recent alleged rape, and whether Minters is currently dabbling in criminal law.

This is what we received from an anonymous Minter Ellison spy yesterday:

Dear Firm Spy

Minter Ellison does not practice criminal law, much less do any of its lawyers openly profess to being qualified to offer criminal law advice to alleged rapists. First year lawyer Eren Myers is in a league of his own on that front.

For your information, the rumours I am hearing is that Eren very nearly lost his job over this incident, but managed to wrest back from the Herald Sun a semblance of dignity by saying “they misquoted me” and “the photo was cropped”.

However this did not stop Eren being placed into lockdown (literally, he was told not to leave the office) when the next day a group of Herald Sun paparazzi descended on the Rialto Towers vying for a photo of Eren. They were apparently seen clamouring in the foyer with large cameras.

I understand that had they captured his image on this day, he would not have been singlet-ed, but rather wearing a shirt and tie.

Thanks to the Minters spy for clarifying the matter. We wish to congratulate the Minters partnership on exercising some restraint in allowing Myers to continue on with the firm.

Consensual sex, anyone?

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[ED - No less than five, yes FIVE, anonymous Minter Ellison spies alerted us to this masterpiece, appearing yesterday in Melbourne newspaper Herald Sun. Thanks in particular to the spy who scanned and emailed us the article.]

It is unclear how Minter Ellison lawyer Eren Myers finds time juggle his work at Minters with the heavy burden of his very own personal training business, providing ex-AFL footballer Andrew Lovett with fitness advice, and doling out legal advice to alleged sex offenders. However if his photo in yesterday’s Herald Sun is any indication, one thing appears likely: he apparently subscribes to the “it is ok for men to wax their chest” school of thought.

In yesterday’s Herald Sun (page 81, for those readers still retaining a copy), the picture of Minters lawyer Myers appears beside disgraced ex-St Kilda footballer Andrew Lovett (who was recently alleged to have raped a female and who yesterday was sacked by his former AFL football club St Kilda) with the following abbreviated article:

…[Lovett] looked relaxed as he posed for photos [at Melbourne’s St Kilda festival] with friend Eren Myers… Myers, a lawyer with Minter Ellison, has been giving Lovett advice on the rape case. And he has also been acting as a personal trainer to the footballer since the 27-year-old’s indefinite suspension by St Kilda.

Myers, who has his own personal training business, has been putting Lovett through a rigorous regimen.

At this stage it is unclear whether Minter Ellison has opened a criminal law practice, whether Minters has taken on Lovett as a pro bono client, or whether Myers is acting in a personal capacity dishing out advice on the nuances of consenual sex.

We await further clarification from Myers and Minters.

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We reported in late December the revelation that Minter Ellison was intending to lift its pay freeze. At the time, we thought that the thaw was dubious, however, because only particular staff would be given good news in the “letter notifying them of the result of their review”.

Sounds a lot like Minters & Chief Executive Partner John Weber only intend to increase the wages of those members of staff it is fearful of losing.

Over the break the Firm Spy received some disastrous gossip for the small few who genuinely hope to get a pay rise after the review. This from an anonymous - and apparently high-ranking - Minters spy:

recently exiled Minter Ellison partner Simon Alroe has had the criminal charges against him dropped. This must be one hell of a slap in the face to his former, conniving partners Ken “Horny” Horsely and Trent “Porno” Forno. But more than that, the news I recently heard from John Weber that Alroe is intending to sue the firm for north of $15,000,000.00 must be sending shivers up the collective spine of all Minters partners - who, as everyone knows, are already paid at the very low end of the corporate law firm partnership wage spectrum.

Worse still, those lawyers hoping that Weber would make good on his recent promise to lift the firm-wide halt on pay rises can probably now expect their pay to remain steady in 2010.

You’ll recall that former Minters partner Simon Alroe was “voted off the island” in July 2009 for allegedly harassing colleague Trent Forno. Presumably the criminal charges mentioned by the anonymous Minters spy relate to charges of harassment arising out of an incident with Trent Forno. We understand that these charges were the primary rationale for de-equitising Alroe from the Minters partnership.

Accordingly, given that the charges were apparently considered as being without merit by QLD police, does this mean Alroe ought to be reinstated to the Minters partnership? Will Forno now be removed from the Minters partnership for registering charges that brought about the downfall of a colleague, yet were considered by authorities as being without substance?

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We may have missed the scoop on the Freehills ‘two-tiered’ pay-freeze thaw (a major report on Freehills will be posted tomorrow, so check back for more on this), but today the Firm Spy is back where it belongs - breaking the big stories.

Thanks to the audacious work of an anonymous Minters spy we can today reveal an email sent to all staff yesterday by Minters Chief Executive Partner John Weber:

As you know, it has been a challenging 12 months for us, as it has for all law firms and our clients.  Revenue for this financial year is down on the same time last financial year and while we have performed well against budgets, they were set well down in response to difficult market conditions.  Despite some early signs of recovery in some parts of the economy, we are yet to see a return to normal trading conditions.

Our response to the downturn, which has included ongoing expenditure management and strong strategic focus, has helped us weather the downturn relatively well.  Consistent with earlier commitments, the firm will now be conducting mid-financial year staff salary reviews.

A Minters partner hears a pay review appeal

The mid-year staff salary reviews will be performance-based, will have regard to market salary data and will be completed in December (effective 1 January 2010).  Given market conditions, increases will generally be modest or take the form of a small bonus.  As in other years, not all members of staff will have their salaries increased or receive a bonus.  Each member of staff will receive a letter notifying them of the result of their salary review.  At this stage I anticipate that we will conduct our usual salary review process with effect from 1 July 2010.

The market-wide softening in demand for legal services requires us to continue with our expenditure management program.  Our key challenges will be to continue to focus on our clients and to work as one firm, so that we emerge from this downturn a stronger and more robust firm.

I would like to thank you all once again for your contribution throughout the past year.

So… staff will get a letter informing them of the result of the “review”? Is there any procedural fairness? A right of appeal? Or do staff, once again, have to put their faith in the integrity of partners to “do the right thing” by them? We smell a rat John!

Excellent choice of language in relation to the subsequent pay review too: “I anticipate that we will conduct our usual salary review process with effect from 1 July 2010.” Sounds to us like John is foreshadowing that some staff could remain on the same wage for two years or longer. Oh, the anticipation!

Our anonymous Minters spy had the following comments to add:

Well played John.  Performance-based salary reviews are a long overdue step in the right direction.  However, will modest pay rises and small bonuses satisfy those who have been performing and are exceeding their budgets by not so modest amounts?  Good luck to the firm when it sees a return to normal trading conditions. Unless the firm can do better than modest increases and small bonuses in July 2010, the early signs of an exodus will follow closely behind.

An astute observation by the spy that an exodus will follow. Miserly partners will then have to start searching for huge dollars to pay lofty recruitment fees. Our guess is that these whopping recruitment fees haven’t been factored into the alchemistic Minters “budget”.

As an aside, it is interesting to note that Minter Ellison has remained true to its word that it would conduct a salary review at year’s end, while Mallesons apparently shelved plans for a formal review and instead gave staff a paltry 3% bonus. Moreover, an anonymous Mallesons spy sent us the following comments:

When the Mallesons pay freeze was introduced it was implemented on the basis that it would be reviewed in December against how the firm was tracking against budget.

Are we to infer that the apparently broken promise to Mallesons staff can be traced to an unrealistically high budget forecast, or is this yet more evidence that a decision has been made to “buy time” to keep the Mallesons pay freeze in place?

Has your firm moved? Let the Firm Spy know first. Send us your news and views!

Attractive. Intelligent. Successful. Funny. Endearing.

another excellent catch

These are but a few of the adjectives that we would use describe the delightful, yet surprisingly unlucky-in-love former Deacons/Minters lawyer Melissa Hammett.

We reported a few weeks ago that Hammett had taken the curious step of speaking out in media about the hell that is her reality: unable to find a decent fellow in the entire nation:

“What happens is that you go out on more dates, but less frequently with people you’re genuinely attracted to.  First dates used to really mean something - there was a real connection - whereas now, they’re more like a job interview… The best romances are when you’re with a guy who’s exactly like a friend, but who you want to be with romantically.”

We initially didn’t buy it. Heck, Mel strikes us as a good catch! So we asked her to get in touch with us. Melissa took the bait and wrote us the following email:

Dear Firm Spy

Thank you for your kind offer to help me pull an eligible bloke (24 November 2009).

Having said that, do you really think it’s wise to set lawyers up with other lawyers? The perils of intra-profession dating are well documented.

First, there’s the gossip. (Yes, your secretary really does read your emails. And forward them on.)

Second, as Spencer Tracy once said: ‘Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called in-breeding; from this comes idiot children…and other lawyers’.

More disturbingly, there’s always a high risk that an otherwise eligible date will vote himself off the island by seeking to discuss legal theory, budgets or (even worse) the subtle distinctions between top tier/second tier/ mid tier/ boutique firms.

On the other hand, I have noticed (and being an alleged ’serial dater’ - 24 November 2009 - feel well qualified to comment) that the words ‘I’m a lawyer’ tend to provoke horror (and occasional abuse) from  prospective beau.

I seek your counsel. Should lawyers date other lawyers? (It worked for Barack and Michelle, I suppose). Or should it be outlawed? Perhaps your readers have a view on this important topic.

And finally, for the record, yes, I do like pina coladas.

Kind regards

Mel Hammett.

I had the pleasure of spending a memorable few days in the company if Mel Hammett on a national Minter Ellison Construction Group junket to Queensland a few years back. She caught my eye even then, but as I look now at the photo you linked to, it appears that the years have been incredibly kind to her. I am now married and off the market, but think that Mel would make an excellent catch.

Sometimes we worry that we’re the only corporate news/gossip medium prepared to have a dig at the chiefs of corporate firms. We therefore heartily welcomed the character assassination directed by the BRW a few weeks ago to ex-Minters chief Guy Templeton:

“Traditionally, a non-lawyer at the helm of a law firm has not been considered a success. The most recent experiment with non-lawyer leadership occurred at Minter Ellison, where management consultant Guy Templeton was chief executive for five years before he left earlier this year.

“The firm went back to the traditional model appointing one of its partners, John Weber, as chief executive.”

Ouch!

Incidentally, John Weber is presiding over a firm that one staff member recently assessed in the following fashion:

Minters must win the award for Australia’s tightest law firm. A salary wide freeze continues even though the managing partner of our firm admits we are making budget. Many SA’s don’t even get a Blackberry (all lawyers get them at some firms). Rise to the lofty height of SA and you will get a mobile phone though… What is this, the mid 90’s?!

There’s a hostile approach to technology - three people need to sign off before you get the “privilege” of being able to log in from home… apparently if they cant see you doing the work, you can’t be trusted to do it. To make it worse there’s a lot of incentive to work from home because the offices are old, the chairs are unergonomic and the fit out is falling apart (I’m being serious!).

Perks don’t even exist: even the fruit box has been stopped. The printers and photocopiers break down with amazing regularity and the library is so underfunded it has practically turned into a museum. Sadly the tightness doesn’t stop with staff - client functions are embarrassing compared to other firms … just because you offer wine doesn’t make it a classy function.

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We found the following comments penned by an anonymous Minter Ellison spy in the Lawyer Remuneration Survey to be so comical that we decided to dedicate an entire post to it. A tirade of the very highest order ! If you would like the more specific details of Minter Ellison Firm Spy Remuneration Report, click here.

your Senior Associateship begins now, son

Comments

Minters must win the award for Australia’s tightest law firm. A salary wide freeze continues even though the managing partner of our firm admits we are making budget. Many SA’s don’t even get a Blackberry (all lawyers get them at some firms). Rise to the lofty height of SA and you will get a mobile phone though… What is this, the mid 90’s?!

There’s a hostile approach to technology - three people need to sign off before you get the “privilege” of being able to log in from home… apparently if they cant see you doing the work, you can’t be trusted to do it. To make it worse there’s a lot of incentive to work from home because the offices are old, the chairs are unergonomic and the fit out is falling apart (I’m being serious!).

Perks don’t even exist: even the fruit box has been stopped. The printers and photocopiers break down with amazing regularity and the library is so underfunded it has practically turned into a museum. Sadly the tightness doesn’t stop with staff - client functions are embarrassing compared to other firms … just because you offer wine doesn’t make it a classy function.

The tightness apparently doesn’t stop with the client functions either - recall last year’s Minter Ellison staff Christmas party which ran out of beer? More troubling is the question raised as to whether Minter Ellison can lawyers be trusted on their lonesome. Without detracting from the sheer brilliance of the comments, we would point out that some Minter Ellison billing narrations have been characterised as “opaque” in the past. But still, what gives!?

We agree that the firm is probably making budget. No less than NINE partners were made up earlier in the year. Given that a whopping 40% of partners are reported to have taken home $1,100,000.00 in the twelve months to June this year, it is hard to see how things can have suffered a downturn. Plus they’ve got all that extra cash laying around to throw at excellent initiatives like the Minter Ellison branded coffee cup!

If you have got a gripe that you want to tell the legal/corporate community, add your comments to the Remuneration Survey, email us direct (news@firmspy.com) or post info in the anonymous goss box.

[EDIT - thanks to the spy who informed us that Melissa no longer works at Minter Ellison, having moved first to Deacons (working in Construction underneath partner Keith Redenbach), before taking an inhouse role at Stockland. If her employment history is any indication, perhaps Melissa would make a better fist of “speed-dating” rather than internet-dating. Mel, ditch Oasis Active and click this link. Again, best of luck]

Firm Spy - Anonymous Match Maker

[EDIT # 2 - Melissa, a few Firm Spy team members have just checked your photo again (available here), and we think you are projecting an entirely decent image (in contrast to what that date-wanker suggested).  Are you seriously struggling on the dating scene? If so, then we’re here to help. If you think Melissa is a catch, send us your details either by email (news@firmspy.com) or simply say so in the comments below. Melissa, we eagerly await direct correspondence from you.]

We found the following quotes from Minter Ellison lawyer (and apparent serial dater) Melissa Hammett, reported by News.com.au in an article profiling online-dating, to be excellent material for a Tuesday:

[online dating is akin to a] a marketing war. Melissa Hammett, a lawyer from Sydney, discovered this when a date broke the news to her one night.

“During our date, I was trying to tell him about myself and my personality - just trying to be genuine - when he suddenly told me that I really needed to start focusing more on how I sell myself.  He didn’t think I was selling myself properly and needed to look at the image I was projecting.  Well, you can’t imagine Mr Darcy ever saying that to Elizabeth,” Melissa said, referring to the main characters in Jane Austen’s classic love tale Pride and Prejudice.

“What happens is that you go out on more dates, but less frequently with people you’re genuinely attracted to.  First dates used to really mean something - there was a real connection - whereas now, they’re more like a job interview.” The best romances are when you’re with a guy who’s exactly like a friend, but who you want to be with romantically.”

Hmmm … if we’re reading this right, Melissa Hammett’s job interview with Minter Ellison was like some kind of date.  Was there any… heading upstairs for a coffee?

Good luck to Melissa at this year’s Christmas party merry-go-round. Who knows, there might be a:

• fat, arrogant lawyer;
• a bloke who fancies himself as a CLEO Bachelor of the Year; or
• a bestiality-loving colleague

…who you’re “genuinely attracted to”.

Send the Firm Spy your news and views!

Err… it seems there is ALOT of interest in lawyer remuneration across the firms. The Firm Spy has experienced a major upswing in traffic this week, while our weekly newsletter subscribers have rocketed past a whopping 5000!

no bonus; no biscuits; no minties

On that basis, we intend to re-post the Mallesons and Freehills remuneration survery posts in a more exacting fashion, giving you all the info in intricate detail. Some of you have remarked that a major discrepancy exists between our figures and those promulgated by Hays “in association with the law firms”. We intend to dissect that once all the figures are up and if we get a sniff that the partners have been underquoting, rest assured you will hear about it!

We will kick things off with a revised report into remuneration at equal second largest national firm in terms of revenue, Minter Ellison. Before we do, let us post the comments we received from an anonymous Minters spy earlier today:

FYI - The Minters (Sydney at least) intranet blocks access to your firm salary survey - “This Websense category is filtered: Personal Network Storage and Backup”. I dont think it likes Google spreadsheets. I am not implying it is deliberate, just pointing it out if responses from here are poor. $77,000 (excl. super) - a couple of months shy of 2 years post admission. Sydney. We get free gym membership. Bonus scheme. No fruit. No biscuits. Good dinners after 7:45pm (previously 7pm but delayed mid-GFC to discourage people hanging around to eat - must have been all the starving juniors due to the pay freeze). Great site.

Apparently the MInters spy forgot to include the fantastic, and very valuable, initiative recently implemented by the Sydney Minters partnership to GIVE ALL STAFF ACCESS TO UNLIMITED FREE MINTER ELLISON-BRANDED DISPOSABLE COFFEE CUPS! Alas, the spy was correct that responses from Minters have been low. Feel free to change that folks by logging it at home and plugging your details into the survey, available at this link.

And now for the statistics:

Firm Spy cannot guarantee the accuracy of these figures. They come from anonymous sources

Sydney 1-2 years PQE

Admitted between July 2007 and June 2008. Daily billable target - 6.5 hours. Gross package 2008/2009 - $79,000. Gross package 2009/2010 - $80,000. No bonus last year. Free gym. Subsidised further education.

Melboure 2-3 years PQE

Admitted between July 2006 and June 2007. Daily billable hours target - 6 hours. Gross package 2008/2009 - $70,000. Gross package 2009/2010 - $75,000. No bonus last year. Free gym. Comments:

The firm overall is great (plenty of decent people at the junior level) but I work in a division which is run by a couple of retard partners. It’s a completely decentralised system, not even a pyramid structure as you would understand it - everyone’s like a sole practitioner… they use “upwards management” as their buzzword, which IMO is just an excuse for not managing. No communication for six months, then of course at the review meeting blame everything on you…upwards management - hah, what a load of bullshit.

Melboure 5-6 years PQE

Admitted between July 2003 and June 2004. Daily billable hours target - 6 hours. Gross package 2008/2009 - $110,000. Gross package 2009/2010 - $110,000. No bonus last year. Free gym. Purchase additional leave available. Subsidised further education.

Adelaide 1-2 years PQE

Admitted between July 2007 and June 2008. Daily billable hours target - 6 hours. Gross package 2008/2009 - $61,000. Gross package 2009/2010 - $62,500. $2500 bonus received last year.

We know - there is not much to report here! So please help out Minters lawyers!

Send the Firm Spy your news and views!

With a paradigm shift moving away from the billable unit in the offing, the following anonymous comments received from an anonymous Minter Ellison spy yesterday will no doubt add fuel to the fire:

… the vagaries of Minter Ellison billing narrations are probably a major part of what has provoked the corporate community to ask for wholesale changes to billing structures, such as fixed costs models. … what on earth is “strategy advice”? Is it a “strategic” bathroom break in which a partner ponders how best to fudge his time sheet? These opaque narrations should be queried by corporate clients who should also demand a shift away from a model that allows partners to record seven-figure salaries with such ease…

Do you have a favourite narration to get you out of a “low-billing” day?

Send the Firm Spy your news and views!