GONE: Wallets, Lunches & Gifts Allegedly Stolen in Wotton & Kearney Theft Rampage

We saw yesterday the ugly side of office thievery. Two slices of cheese, a slice of ham and some bread can at once inspire kleptomania and firm-wide email rage. Our main issue is lost yoghurt: a vox-pop of the FS editorial team revealed a frankly shocking spate of yoghurt theft in major Australian corporate firms. One FS editor recently lost a full 800gm tub of strawberry Ski Activ! That’s the big tub!

But thefts of all kinds occur every day at firms across Australia, which gets us to Wotton & Kearney, a firm billing itself as a boutique insurance law firm. In its own words:

The measure of Wotton + Kearney’s effectiveness is the difference we make to the viability and success of our insurance industry and risk carrying clients as they confront intense competition and constant change in their risk environments.

And a change in the risk environment is precisely what Wotton & Kearney staffers have recently been experiencing in their workplace, if our anonymous W&K spy is to be believed:

Trouble afoot at insurance law firm Wotton & Kearney – two or three thefts in the last two weeks from a pretty small office. Food going missing from the fridge (pretty standard), gifts being taken from someone’s office whilst they were away, wallets being taken out of rooms, the contents removed and then being thrown away elsewhere in the office (less standard). Not great.. especially as its currently being hushed up by senior management, with an internal email asking people not to speculate or talk about it – Yep, that’ll sort it out..hmm.

Err… no it wont! Perhaps one of the partnerly misers is responsible? Apparently not. Our spy continues:

Still, it’s probably difficult to pin the crime on any of the partners – they’re never there – permanent bookings for boozy lunches and a ‘you’re on your own until it goes wrong’ attitude seems to personify most of them, especially the young pretender to the throne, Adam Chylek.

Well, let’s draw a line through the partners and the “young pretender”. Who does that leave? WHO IS PINCHING WO-KE WALLETS AND LUNCHES??

We sent the following edited email to the firm’s partnership in search of answers:

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Request for Comment
Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2011 19:42:14 -0400
From: news@firmspy.com
To: <david.kearney>
Cc: <redacted>

Dear Mr Kearney,

We’ve been advised that there has been a spate of thefts at Wotton & Kearney in recent weeks. Does the firm have insurance against such outrageous behaviour?

We also have been advised that senior managenent (presumably you) have asked employees to “keep it hush” via an internal email. We would like a comment on this (also a copy of the email if you’re feeling generous).

Furthermore, we’ve been told that there is no danger that any of the partners committed the crimes because “they’re never there”, instead indulging in “boozy lunches”. We would naturally like a comment on this too.

We’re intending to publish something on these issues on Wednesday.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Regards,

FS

Alas, we heard nothing back from Mr Kearney. If you know more, tell us!

GONE: Wallets, Lunches & Gifts Allegedly Stolen in Wotton & Kearney Theft Rampage, 3.9 out of 5 based on 16 ratings