Dress Down! Australian Idol Judge-Turned-Barrister Mark Holden Finally Lands First Brief

For several years, FS has closely watched former Australian Idol judge Mark Holden’s progression to barristerial greatness. It has been a “journey” of the most fascinating variety. After an inauspicious start – Holden was annointed “Wanker of the Year” by Ralph Magazine in 2003 -  the former pop-singer travelled through the glory of Australian Idol, past the eminence of law school and, now, onto the dizzying majesty of the Victorian Bar. There have been peaks, troughs, mullets, skivvies, fizzled shizzles, dooni-go-gometers, Coogee bar fights, domestic assaults, and, of course, leaked porn photos.

So, sit back and relax as we take a look at Mark Holden’s “journey” and give him his first DRESS DOWN!

In July 2009, you’ll recall, we reported the stupefying news that Holden’s sizeable loaf was buried deep in legal textbooks:

If having a mullet and producing David Hasselhoff’s music were a crime, pop-icon Mark Holden could probably kiss a career in the law goodbye. But as Holden probably now appreciates, both activities are lawful … and a career in law apparently beckons. You see, ladies and gentlemen, Mark Holden is studying law.

We later discovered that Holden had actually graduated from his law degree in 1999 and was “studying” because he was intending to partake in the September 2009 Victorian Bar Readers’ Course. Holden ultimately signed the Victorian Bar Roll in November 2009 and his VicBar profile (available here) now proudly boasts:

He has extensive experience in contract, copyright and licensing in the Australian and international publishing, touring, merchandising, personal services, artist management and recording arenas. His experience includes involvement in numerous transactions with multi-national recording companies. He has highly developed negotiation and dispute resolution skills and experience in the settlement of major disputes at all stages of the litigation process.

Mark has worked with and advised a wide variety of successful artists including The Temptations and Delta Goodrem and his production company launched the career of Vanessa Amorosi in Australia and internationally.

Interestingly, despite Mark’s vast experience with the recording industry and music artists, his profile notes:

since coming to the Bar he has practiced extensively in IVO and Stalking matters and in the criminal law area from indictable offences to cybercrime, committals, contests and early resolution.

Well, it looks like a brief that falls squarely within Counsel Holden’s expertise has finally landed in his chambers. Thanks to the anonymous tipster who sent us the following email:

I see that Mark Holden has been retained to judge the National Golden Gavel Competition in Melbourne next month. With Justice Betty King sitting beside him, I think Firm Spy should caution him against any impromptu “touch-downs”.

True it is that Mr Holden is judging this year’s National Golden Gavel Competition, ably assisted by Justice King of the Victorian Supreme Court. The competition will see winners of identical competitions convened by the various State and Territory Law Societies converge on Melbourne to  present their comedic skills on a national stage. And just like Australian Idol, it will be held before a live audience and feedback will be given by learned Judges.

But we agree with our tipster: this time Judge Holden should go easy on the “touch downs”. We would also recommend he refrain from any other comments like:

• that put a fire down my wire;
• that didnt shizzle my fizzle; and
• the Val Dooni-goo-goo-gometer has jumped to 11

And while we’re doling out advice, judging by the sort of work Holden has been doing since signing the Bar Roll, we think there is more he could do to develop his client base. In the first place, Holden should contact all former Australian Idol contestants – if our cursory look at Google is any indication, there is a bucketload of work out there:

• Guy Sebastian (Season 1) was arrested earlier this year in LA by “10 pistol-wielding police officers” on suspicion of Grand Theft Auto;
• Shannon Noll (Season 1) was arrested and convicted of drink driving after attempting to drive home from his local pub. He was disqualified from driving for 9 months;
• Paulini Curuenavuli (Season 1) – the individual who was famously warned by “Dicko” that she needed to “choose more appropriate clothes or shed some pounds – was allegedly the victim of a domestic assault at the hands of her former partner, Rugby League star Wes Naiqama;
• Rob Mills (Season 1) had a famous one-night tryst with recidivist criminal Paris Hilton after the Melbourne Cup;
• Casey Donovan (Season 2) was punched in the face by a man in a Coogee bar fight;
• Ricki-Lee Coulter (Season 2) was involved in a bitter divorce from her childhood sweetheart in 2007, before being unwittingly drawn into a scandal involving leaked porn photos; and
• Kate DeAraugo (Season 3) – the series victor and individual labelled by Judge Kyle Sandilands as possessing “tuckshop lady arms” – signed an endorsement deal with weight loss giant Jenny Craig, but was forced to withdraw after she failed to lose weight within the terms of her contract.

It would seem that the Australian Idol “journey”, overseen by the judicial guidance of Holden, Dicko and Hines JJ, didn’t prepare these former contestants all that well for the “game of life”. Perhaps we can wish a different fate on the participants of the National Golden Gavel Competition?

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Dress Down! Australian Idol Judge-Turned-Barrister Mark Holden Finally Lands First Brief, 3.6 out of 5 based on 13 ratings