Although in truth Mr Hynes subsequently opened his arms to the living, breathing dickheads among us by resiling from his recruitment policy (nice one, Dickhead), the question remains highly relevant for all future Hynes Lawyers staff:
Would you have your job at Hynes Lawyers but for Hynsey’s Dickheaded back-flip?
It’s a proposition we’re certain all future Hynes Lawyers employees will consider at some point – “am I an opt-in dickhead?” Which gets us to the focus of today’s post – who did Hynsey want in and who did Hynsey want out when the no-dickheads recruitment policy applied?
We think guidance can be found in our favourite primary source Urban Dictionary, which contains the following definitions of Dickhead:
- An annoying twat.
- A person with a dick on their head.
- Unicorns.
- A synonym for lawyer or someone who acts like a lawyer
Oh, right, so Hynsey realised his policy would rule-out all lawyers and thus figured that a few bell-ends were a necessary evil. With any luck the firm’s nurturing non-knobs will help all future lawyers overcome their inner dickhead. Just dont count on everyone being in the building. Or any Unicorns.
You see, we first received the following intel from an anonymous spy early yesterday:
Scott Standen, Corporate Team Partner of Hynes Lawyers has now resigned. Two other corporate team lawyers have since been made redundant by the firm.
We later received this from another anonymous Hynes spy:
It seems as though the dust has not settled at Hynes, and it may take longer to settle than originally thought. Just 2 weeks after the corporate head partner Glenn Vassallo’s shocking exit, his fellow corporate partner and wing-man Scott Standen shocked the firm with news of his resignation. Standen’s resignation has left the newly appointed corporate partner Warwick Walsh to the lead the corporate group on his own.
Oops… before joining Hynes Lawyers, Scott Standen was General Counsel at Billabong. He certainly looks to us to be the kind of fellow who was employed in the firm’s non-dickhead period. And with him leaving, there is now just 7 partners left at Hynes Lawyers (including very recently appointed partner Warrick Walsh). We can only guess at the number of dickheads at the firm, but we would expect that on a percentage basis their presence is increasing. Of course, this is worrying news indeed if you took the job when there were no dickheads allowed, no to mention if you took the job specifically because you wanted to distance yourself from dickheads. So will the remaining non-dickheads jump ship too?
Can anyone save Hynes Lawyers from this terrible mess?
Well, ironically, it is said (by another highly reliable source – Wikipedia) that a Unicorn’s horn has the power to heal sickness. So perhaps Hynsey will be saved by … a Dickhead?
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Firm spy, I an impressed. Breaking the story in less than 24 hours, probably less than 12 hours after the event!
Scott always struck me as a bit of a dickhead.
No he definately isn’t.
I used to work at hynes, and i wouldn’t praise much about them but Scott is a very good lawyer and genuinely nice man.
“And with him leaving, there is now just 7 partners left at Hynes Lawyers…” Great writing FS.
Love the Unicorn picture!
No way. Scott is not a dickhead. I’m glad he is leaving because he is too much of a good person to be associated with partners from Hynes. Those ex-corporate partners are the best Hynes have. They are the money makers even as much as the rest of the firm would like to believe it isnt true.
What did Hynesy think? He could get rid of the back bone of the team and not expect it to fall apart? Corporate team is a tight knit family, if one is affected, the whole team feel! Hynes is a dickhead.
Glad im gone.
@Anon 2…logged on for the night Vassallo? a ‘tight knit’ team came across as elitist. Spineless Vassallo, you may think you were the back bone, you apparently didnt give a shit about your team, by quitting on them. I used to think you were great, until your bullying pushed me out the door.
@ Anon2, you couldn’t have summed it up better.
It’s such a shame for the corporate team – they’ve gone from sky high to rock bottom in a short time at the hand of Hynesy and all look so miserable now.
Scott leaving speaks volumes about what must be behind this car crash. He is one of the best lawyers I have had dealings with and a genuine nice guy to boot.
@ Pfft, you do have your cranky pants on tonight, don’t you? Before you post perhaps you should check your facts. Vassallo Spinless? No. Vassallo and Standen backbone? Yes. Vassallo quit on his team? No. Vassallo pushed out the door by other partners? Yes. You bullied? I doubt it. Performance managed out instead? Highly likely.
@pffft! Vassallo? Bully? No way! You were probably most likely a sh*t employee and you obviously never knew him well enough.
Both Glenn and Scott are awesome! I wonder if hynesy is shitting his pants knowing he has made a big mistake? Makes me laugh.
Im going to have a good sleep tonight!
Here’s another vote for SS…good luck to him wherever he ends up next!
The promises Vassallo has made Standen are no doubt huge. Time will tell whether he can he can be the most influential corporate lawyer in the world (yes world, not Queensland) – as he thinks he already is. It is already a fate of compli (and no that is not a typo before anyone suggests that).
no matter what happens to Hynes to hynes lawyers, they will still be there Monday. Vassallo will still be a short man unless he gets gattaca style leg extensions
Rob was a dickhead at QUT law. Still a dickhead I see.
Storm in a wanna-be-mid-tier teacup
SS and GV have my vote. SS is a very good lawyer and approachable person. GV is very energetic and keen to get the job done. Hynes lost two important lawyers IMHO.
Shame the unicorn has a circumcised penis on its head – how about FirmSpy promote genital integrity in mythical creatures…