UPDATE: FS Job Rescue (Or Not): Furious Graduate Applicant Spits Venom @ Recruitment Process

cant stand you HR!!
[UPDATE: To our surprise, some QLD-based boutique firms contacted FS asking for the details of the Furious Grduate. They wanted to know more about the applicant before sending us the particulars of the jobs available.  What we know about the graduate is included in an interview at the bottom of this page.]

It took us a while, but we now greatly respect and admire Micheal Bradley – the fellow behind boutique Sydney firm Marque Lawyers. Formerly the Chief Executive Partner at Gadens Lawyers, Mr Bradley has incredibly insightful views on a range of legal issues and we read with interest his occaisional opinion peices published in the AFR.

In addition to his opinions on industry issues, Mr Bradley has a considered position on how to manage the arduous seasonal clerkship application process. His firm this year pioneered a novel application process:

Each morning between 29 August and 2 September, we’ll post a question on … our Twitter feed @marquelawyers.  You’ll need to be following us, and then it’s on for the day, tweet all you like.  Each day we’ll select the 6 top tweets of the day… By the end of the week we’ll have 30 Top Tweeters, and will post their tags on Twitter.  That’s an invitation to those lucky ones to email us a clerkship application, complying with our usual rules and so that we can verify that they’re actually studying law.. From that pile, we’ll select our interviewees.  And then, some short time later, we’ll have our 2011-12 summer clerk.

If the graduate application process were as quick (and fun?) as this, we’re sure most aspiring grads wouldn’t have the same cause to lament the hours that are lost under the prevailing regime. Yes, we think the following comment from a child genius (seriously, this is a must-read) sums up the attitude of many disillusioned students battling to get their foot in the door:

Having just ran the grad job gauntlet I can honestly say the whole process was a little bit of a let down. The fact I didn’t get a job wasn’t the biggest problem. It was the fact that I was made feel like a generic piece of shit by the HR departments. Even the firms I got interviews with were average when it came to the final rejection.

What I really hated is that a lot of the firms are instructing grads to go the extra mile and personalise their applications. They want us to write about the firm, why we want to work there, why we think we’d be a good fit etc.

Yes, this is a sinister way of forcing the applicant to appreciate just how “lucky” they might be if they’re one of the chosen grads (a message they invariably spread throughout student ranks as they await notification of their application result). But isn’t this crap in there primarily to keep HR “busy” reviewing “something”? It’s not like they’re busy drafting personalised rejection letters. Far from it; they’re circulating trans-firm rejection precedents with feckless abandon, if our irate tipster is to be believed:

I did this for my applications, and got the same… THE SAME, rejection email from 5 different firms.

Grads waste a LOT of time, doing what they are asked to only have HR turn around and treat you exactly how they didn’t want to be treated?!? I can only imagine that this is even more frustrating for a lot of the grads that put the “job hunt” in front of their studies. At the end of the grad period you look back and think, “why bother”? (I know I did!)

From the HR side the excuse is probably that they get a lot of applications and so it is impractical to personalise each letter. You know what might help them streamline the process? Being honest with us and cutting out the bullshit!

The Gospel according to Graduate. AMEN. Remember that scene in Seinfeld where George – in his period of doing everything opposite – tells NY Yankees Chief George Steinbrenner everything that is wrong with his team?  It is what immediately sprang to mind when we were reading this caustic rant:

Mr. Steinbrenner : Nice to meet you.

George : Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!

Mr. Steinbrenner : Hire this man!

Hire George and hire this graduate genius! He/she continues:

They all deny that GPA is important. Liars. It wouldn’t kill them to be transparent. “If your GPA is less than 5.5 you need not apply” – although it seems this may have risen to 6 at some firms. There goes a huge number of applications right there. It also puts to bed false hope because of applicants awesome extra-curricular activities.

What is with the interviews? You go there and it’s the most casual conversation you could imagine. They say they are trying to measure how you fit within the firm culture. You know what might assist the partners and HR determine whether or not you’d be a good fit? Asking questions about the law, and some tricky firm situations; how you would deal with a client perhaps?!

Wow. We really like this guy. Couldn’t have said it better if we tried. But the biblical tirade gets better:

The following questions should be banned outright as well:

• What is your biggest weakness? I mean do they seriously think that anyone is going to give them a completely honest answer!

• Why should we hire you? (This one is particularly annoying!) I have a degree in Law, not HR. It’s their job to say why they should hire me not mine! They have a CV in front of them with an academic transcript. I can only assume that there must be some gap in my application that needs to be filled to help them make the decision. I’d put my money on asking a question that helps fill that gap, instead of asking me to do your job for you!

• What do you do for fun? Who the f*** cares? It’s not like if I get the job I’m going to invite any of the wankers that work at this firm over for dinner or to play poker [ED: Canonise this youngster. Seriously, how can one so young know so much?] Let’s face it, if I’m applying for a job at a top tier firm I won’t get to enjoy fun for several years anyway, so why the hell are you bringing up something that I have just come to terms with sacrificing. …f***wits.

I’m sure being able to comfortably have a beer with a grad and discuss the footy would be great, but it’s probably not going to be so awesome if the firm is getting rolled by a disgruntled client because the idiot grad was too busy banging the hot blonde that was put on because of the “perv factor” I mean, cultural fit.

Yeah, maybe I’m bitter – so what.

To the individual who wrote this, you’ll note that we have edited the “disclaimer” you wrote at the end. If you send us that “disclaimer”, together with your email address, we are going to take the very unusual step of trying to help you get a job. If there are any employers looking for a QLD-based graduate who in 694 words was able to fully dissect the pitfalls of the graduate application process, email us – news@firmspy.com

Send the Firm Spy your news and views!

UPDATE: The Furious Graduate contacted us. Here is an interview of sorts:

What are your intentions now?

I guess first thing to do will be to look around at which PLT I do, I’ll just add it to the already high mountain of debt that I can pay off another day! I hear that in some of these you get placed within firms, this might uncover an opportunity. Picking a PLT course is daunting, there is not much really out there about which course is good, and what the firms think of each one. Perhaps FS could investigate? [FS: yes, we'll get onto this]

So far I’ve only followed the grad program that the law society coordinates. It’s my understanding that there are other smaller firms that will start looking towards the back end of the year. I’m not picky. While it would be nice to be up on level whatever of big shiny building, I’d rather just work at this point preferably somewhere that doesn’t just do wills and conveyancing. I guess once the last exam is done, I’ll redo the CV and start knocking on doors.

How sre your marks and where are you thinking about going?

I thought my marks were okay – GPA is around 5.76. I know that out of 4 people I know who got jobs at the firms I interviewed with, all of them except one had a higher GPA (albeit only by a few percentage points), only one was greater than 6 (she also coincidentally had a friend that worked there as well). Funnily enough one of these candidates who scored a job intends to go overseas next year… My forehead still has a bruise from the facepalm. On the flip side I would have given my left arm for that job and there would be no chance I would be jet setting across to Europe or wherever it is they are going.

I don’t think this is really uncommon though, in 2010 when the summer clerkships were going around I had heard rumours that Allen’s was trying to crack down on this because they had lost a large number of grads from the previous year because they all wanted to take off to “find themselves”. Someone should give the HR person who let those slip through to the keeper a medal.

Could send us your CV?

I don’t normally get on the Internet to rage, but there are only so many generic rejection emails you can read before you eventually snap. ;) Because it was an out of character vent, I am not really keen to let my identity be known, anyone who hired me because of what I wrote would probably remember me forever as “the guy who whinged on FS”. It’s still a pretty small place in Qld. Even those who didn’t disagree with what I wrote might be hesitant to hire someone who they perceive as likely to jump on the Internet and write a lengthy whinge when something doesn’t go their way.

The Furious Grad has promised to keep us updated with their progress. Best of luck to all grads looking for work.

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UPDATE: FS Job Rescue (Or Not): Furious Graduate Applicant Spits Venom @ Recruitment Process, 3.9 out of 5 based on 20 ratings