There is something cringeworthy about corporate leaders who rely on excessive gesticulation to communicate. After one too many sessions with their personal public speaking coach, this unfortunate creature seems to think that a mix of wild hand-waving and empathetic arm-flapping will substitute for meaningful language. The resulting spectacle of pantomime and drivel can only be described as “air wanking”. It’s off-putting, not to mention distracting. As advocacy students are often reminded, even the most attentive audience can be easily led astray by a catastrophe of alien sign-language and corporate verbiage. It is not merely that it confounds the community of onlookers – though it certainly does that too – but it appears to foster in the speaker an unduly inflated sense of their own rhetorical flair.
Case in point: KPMG Chairman Michael Andrew. Look at this joker. Seriously, look at him!
More pointless flapping, and some juicy gossip after the break.
Now watch CEO Geoff Wilson:
And KPMG National Managing Partner, People, Performance & Culture James Allt-Graham, whose gestures’ girth is so large it almost exceeds the limits of the video camera:
We sent the following edited email to James Allt-Graham a couple of days ago (sensing he was the most likely of the three corporate rappers above to respond):
——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Request for Comment
Date: Mon, 19 Dec 2011 04:08:17
From: news@firmspy.com
To: <jalltgraham@kpmg.com.au>
Cc: <[]@kpmg.com.au>Dear James,
We’re wondering if you have a comment on the importance of moving your hands (that is, needlessly and distractingly gesticulating) when presenting information to people on behalf of KPMG. Do Kapers staff undergo gesticulation training? Who taught you to uncontrollably wave your hands during presentations?
Regards,
FS
No word back from Mr Allt-Graham. We are keen to hear our readers thoughts on the phenomenon of corporate hand-waving. Has KPMG pushed it too far? Is air-guitar next?
In other news rumour, we received the following comments from a KPMG insider last week:
Advisory risk management partner Rachel phelan has been picked up by pwc and walked off the premises by her nemesis James allt-Graham and sent on gardening leave. She was ranting … making a scene for all on the floor to see. No love lossed though – there will many beers downed next week at the Christmas party. It’s not the first time she has had a yappy mutt ranting match and has a grudge against James as he got the top job in the risk part of the business and then she got demoted from heading the national practice to her Sydney counterpart. don’t go tapping your prada shoes at me little lady!
Sounds like she’ll be tapping them at you from revenue top-dog PwC! Not a bad move as far as we’re concerned. We included the following paragraph in the email we sent James Allt-Graham:
We have been informed that advisory risk management partner Rachel Phelan has moved to PwC. Just wondering if you had any comments on her departure? Apparently you two didn’t get on too well. Please explain!
Again, no word back.
Finally, we were sent the following comments from a KPMG insider last week:
Kpmg extended to voluntary redundancy and part paid leave scheme by an extra week to give staff enough time to make their decision. – exit date is now 20 dec. Geoff Wilson has apparently been on the backs of the divisional heads asking why the number of volunteers are so low for redundancy. So stay tuned as forced redundancy I am sure won’t be too far away.
We sent KPMG’s Head of Communications the following:
We’re wondering if you care to comment on the extension of the exit dates for voluntary redundancy/part-paid scheme. Has this caused any Christmas party antics, for example a departing pot of beer to the face of a disliked colleague?
Nothing back from her either.
Instead, we leave you with this disastrous promotional video from KPMG employees that did the rounds in 2008:
On the upside, there is a pleasing lack of gesticulation. Probably because only the senior cronies get their own speaking coaches.
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Have you ever been outside Australia, Firm Spy?? Gesticulating is widely accepted and the norm in countries such as Italy, where it adds to a person’s character and individuality!! Has Australia really become so sterile and conformist that one cannot move their hands whilst talking, even in a professional capacity?! If the audience can’t focus then maybe the audience member does not have enough intelligence and should leave or improve their listening skills!
What a ridiculous topic!!
@Non-Legal Eagle
We’ll have none of that gesticu-loving here!
hilarious. KPMG has a ‘professional’ who listens to the top dogs do dry runs of their presentations/speeches and gives them feedback, mostly unkind I’ve heard. So no wonder they all look the same when they present…
I thought James Alt Graham had been replaced as People, Performance and Culture partner about a year ago. I’m not at KPMG anymore, so I can’t verify. Can any existing KPMG staff confirm or deny this?
Am sure not many tears were shed by the former colleagues of the recently departed partner…..
What ridiculous comments about Rachael Phelan. From someone who was here when it all happened, there was no ranting, walk outs, storming off etc. Very civil actually. KPMG was actually very professional and allowed RP a few days to tidy up and leave as graceful as you can, given you’re moving to a competitor. The negative comments will be from those who are terrified at the fact that many clients and staff will likely leave now that she is gone. Its the nature of the consulting world. GROW UP!!! KPMG wasn’t smart enough to retain talent thats not RP’s problem. Bottom line, it’s business.
P/S: if you got it, flaunt it… and if you can afford Prada heels to run after trams, board 8 hour economy flights for client work, racing from meeting to meeting .. then you go girl!!!
KPMG are useless at retaining talent, Rachel Phelan was just one of a long list of talented departuers from the firm and in particular the FRM group which is now headed by the useless weasel Mike Ritchie.
What attracts people to these big wanky accounting firms?
The culture of corporate greed is rampant. Most partners are divorced and have the personalities of a goat.
Fair dinkum do yourself a favour and go commercial or a smaller public practice office.
I wouldn’t go so far as saying Rachael was all talent. She certainly had her flaws and many around her knew it. Wouldn’t also say that her loss is such a big step back for KPMG…..
As a recent ex-KPMGer now KPMG Refugee, I would have to agree with the comments about KPMG not being able to retain its top Talent. Their preference is to look after the more robotic employees who crank out as many Powerpoint presentations as possible and overcharge mostly Government clients at ridiculous charge out rates whilst providing as little benefit as possible.
Have to agree with you KPMG Refugee – in my (short) time there I saw nothing really creative or groundbreaking happening, just personalities more interesting in big-noting themselves, while crushing the hopes of optimistic graduates by making them re-deliver the same work over and over again to (mostly) Government clients at the ridiculous chargeout rates that the poor buggers don’t even see 5% of.
James stepped down from the role of people, performance and culture partner after he realized it was all lip service. James is a great guy for the record – one of few that has a personality!!!
In all honesty, James is actually a very down to earth guy – that’s why they inserted him into the Head of People & Performance position because people geniunely liked him. He later escaped to become Head of Risk. Rachel Phelan on the other hand can hardly be considered talent. She was difficult and lacked people skills. I’m sure many bottles of champagne were popped when she left.
That I can agree with ex-Kapers!