We reported yesterday the revelation that Mallesons has been forced, by dint of the GFC, to shed 5% of staff. Mallesons Chief Executive Clairvoyant Partner Robert Milliner, dismissed the heartwarming musings of the RBA governor to declare, as a matter of fact, that the market will remain subdued into the future.

dont go breakin my heart

In response to these revelations, we received the following from an anonymous spy last night:

Terms [of the package] are nowhere near as generous as those supposedly offered by Allens. 3 weeks pay per year of service + one bonus month + notice period + leave entitlements up to max of 52 weeks. Rumour is that Partners were pleasantly surprised by the take up rates at PWC and Allens so decided to give this a go. They are supposedly targeting primarily M&A B&F and Construction (quiet areas). Have not ruled out forced redundancies if the take up is insufficient - or even otherwise.

We express no view as to the validity of these comments except to say that, if true, it is clear that Mallesons is very serious about reducing numbers and may do so forcibly if required.

No doubt workers situated near Milliner’s Gandalf’s office have now turned up the volume on the computer speakers and are singing along loudly with Elton John … hold me closer tiny dancer necro-mancer!

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an undisclosed number of staff were recently sacked for organising drug deals on Deloitte’s premises.

got any sniff?

Monday’s voicemail [said]… that Deloitte communication equipment was used for the purposes of organising the [drug] deal, and from all accounts it took place on Deloitte premises. I can’t remember if … a few or two [employees were sacked], but I don’t think it was more than 3 …This has all been followed up by a new drug and alcohol policy distributed throughout the firm from the partnership this week.

The Firm Spy is proud to throw its support behind an initiative pioneered by our friends at Lawyers Weakly and Legal

The Tuckerbag Man was a cat??

Visit this link and enter details of your salary package for the benefit of us all.

We are hoping to be able to offer a truthful snapshot of wages across the corporate firms, instead of relying on the integrity of the recruitment firms who routinely compile surveys upon which many salaries are set.

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Mallesons Stephen Jaques is reported to have yesterday announced a voluntary redundancy scheme open to all employees. The firm apparently hopes to shed an incredible 5% of staff with the scheme.

More interesting however, is the apparent ascension of Mallesons Chief Executive Partner Robert Milliner to the throne of Australia’s leading economist. In commenting on the announced scheme, Milliner stated matter-of-factly:

5% must GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

The work today is not evenly spread over all practice areas and centres and the economic outlook, despite contradictory reports, is set to remain subdued with flatter conditions in the legal market.

Those ‘contradictory reports’ are presumably the comments yesterday of Reserve Bank of Australia Governor Glenn Stevens, whose speech was regarded as being so positive, that commentators considered it the cause of a major lift in domestic markets.

But forget the RBA, Robert Milliner can see the future! A modern-day Gandalf-the-Grey, if you will.

Note to Robert: do not open a wizardry practice in Africa.

Will the Firm Spy receive rumours of involuntariness of in the Mallesons ‘voluntary’ redundancy scheme? Send the Firm Spy your news and views!

A few months ago we reported the alarmist views of Deacons worrywart partner Michael Tooma in relation to the swine flu. ‘Stock up on face masks’!

It is our pleasure today to reveal another legal Cassandra, though this time from law firm Holding Redlich.

James Schluter, a senior associate at Holding Redlich and apparent ‘specialist in infectious diseases’, has been virulently busily appearing in the media making a case that employers are potentially exposed to legal liabilities arising out of the swine flu.

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

If [workers] can prove they have contracted [the virus] in the workplace then it is likely they could have a workers’ compensation claim… It could be at least a couple of hundred thousand dollars in terms of settlements … that is quite conservative. In an extreme case [it] could be serious enough to warrant the employer … being charged criminally.

Quick, find a lawyer - a lawyer with expertise in infectious diseases! Yes, everyone knows how to readily prove the origin of an atom of influenza and your business will be held to ransom!

Schluter is also apparently considered a leading commentator on swine flu:

James Schluter …  warns that Australia appears to have failed the swine flu test. Schluter will address OH&S professionals at [a]… conference to tell that they must take a leading role in preparing for a serious flu outbreak. If not, 60% to 70% of Australians could be sick to go to work… According to Schluter, the government had lost control of any real engagement with the community… Schluter stressed that the frontline people of control are Australia’s occupational health and safety professionals but the flu is misconstrued as a public health issue. The workplace is a key area for transmission of disease, so it is essential that the workplace and OH&S professionals are engaged, actively educated by scientists and health experts, and part of the control campaign.

Will you join the ‘control campaign’ to wrest back the ‘engagement with the community’ that the government has lost?

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Hat tip to The New Lawyer for reporting the revelation that the son of a prominent Darwin barrister has been charged for attacking a bouncer outside a Darwin nightclub.

Max Tippett, son of Jon Tippett QC, is reported to have pleaded guilty to unlawfully causing serious harm to an acquaintance outside a nightclub.

In other news, prominent WA barrister Lloyd Rayney has commenced legal proceedings against the West Australian government for defamation. Rayney claims he was defamed by the state because:

police called him a “prime suspect” in the unsolved murder of his wife Corryn… Mr Rayney’s case against the state was lodged last year and centres on a press conference held by Detective Sergeant Jack Lee in September 2007 during which he called Mr Rayney a prime suspect.

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It is always nice to hear when a rumour that we exclusively report is subsequently confirmed by the firm in question. And so, it is with a sense of pride that we can today report confirmation of a rumour we reported back in January this

capital, nothing more

PwC offered $4000 cash payments for graduates to begin work in July, rather than at the start of the year, it was reported in the current BRW. Some 120 graduates accepted the offer, or roughly one third of the 2009 graduate intake.

PwC’s Nicola Brazil, the Big4 firm’s “Head of Development Human Capital” (is it possible to imagine a more bizarre job title?), said of the changed start dates:

The benefit of a rolling recruitment program over a fixed intake is that you can respond more immediately to business needs, and peaks and troughs in different areas of the business.

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You do not want to be an alleged fraudster in Dubai. The tribulations of convicted frauster George Atkinson and his

get the hell out of Dubai

‘I am in a cell with four others. There are two double bunk beds just centimetres apart, pushed right up against the cell door. There are only 122 beds in my block to accommodate 246 men. We’ve just heard about an HIV epidemic in here and 70 inmates have been isolated… I was convicted even though the prosecution admitted they had no evidence against me. I am being arbitrarily detained and the British government don’t give a damn.’

Presumably armed with this knowledge, it is little wonder that ex-Baker & McKenzie partner, and newly appointed Mills Oakley partner Anthony Brearley allegedly left Dubai when allegations apparently arose against him while working for Nakheel Corporation. As reported by the Sydney Morning Herald:

Australian lawyer, Anthony Brearley, [is] believed to have left Dubai before a police investigation, thus avoiding jail. Well-placed sources last night confirmed that Mr Reed and Mr Brearley have been declared “fugitives” in Dubai and will be tried in their absence.

In relation to Mills Oakley’s recruiting practices, CEO John Nerurker recently said:

What we do is add that little bit extra; like only hiring lawyers who share our passion for an unwavering client focus and making absolutely sure that all our lawyers are as well, if not better, trained than their top-tier counterparts… This is one way we will continue to differentiate ourselves.

Does your firm have a point of differentiation?

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Thanks to the current edition of BRW for the following stats:

a big4 accounting partner with standard PR spin

Accounting Firm          2009 Intake        Change on 2008

Deloitte                            508                           21%

KPMG                               378                          -16%

Ernst & Young                425                          -15%

PwC                                    374                           2.7%

According to our calculations, this means a net increase of 88 grads at Deloitte, 10 grads at PwC and net decreases of 72 at KPMG and 75 at Ernst & Young. If this is corrrect, there is a net reduction of 49 graduate positions amongst the Big4 accounting firms this year.

We wish the very best of luck to all grads on the job-hunt.

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Despite the successful take-up of the Poo Poll ‘Temporary Work Arrangements’, huge redundancies over two waves, a tenancy reduction and a hiring freeze, KPMG has found it necessary to reduce graduate pay.

In the current edition of BRW, KPMG National Partner of People James Allt-Graham is quoted as saying that graduate

Do not pass go. Do not collect $2500.

had got to a point where it was quite high … This year’s [salary] offers are a couple of thousand dollars less than previous years.

This year KPMG has a total graduate intake of 378, a reduction of 18% on last year. That is a loss of 72 graduate positions across the country. Assuming graduates were paid $50,000 on average last year, and that new graduate salaries will be reduced by $2,500, then, according to our rudimentary calculations, this will net the partnership a saving of …

$4,545,000

Do KPMG partners have an unfair monopoly over all the cash?

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