“Little Vegan Whippet”: Mallesons CEP Stuart Fuller Takes Charge, Busts Out Bad Santa Suit

They’re both obese, haven’t seen sunlight in months and are so old and grey that they could slip quietly into retirement, scarcely mustering a whimper from colleagues envious of their achievements. Their age, physiques and possibly their attitudes aren’t in keeping with the modern demands of their (admittedly disparate) job profiles. They’ve passed their use-by dates, some say, and time has simply marched on by. What, with all these computers, instant communications and this internet mumbo jumbo? It has been a tough ride, both literally and metaphorically, and yet they’re both still committed to weathering the storm, for better or worse. Indeed, it is this very idiosyncracy – a preparedness to work so as to enrich others – which distinguishes one from the other. Yes for all their similarities, Santa Clause and the physical personification of the Mallesons partnership – a fat old man – are divergently disposed when matters turn to the quintessential human character trait of generosity. One gives; one takes.

We naturally therefore felt highly distressed when we learned that Mallesons’ new Chief Executive Partner Stuart Fuller – a rookie who could be forgiven for understandable errors of judgment – made an inexpiable, almost blasphemous mistake – likening himself to the merry fatman Santa Clause… and then asking for money.

In what we understand was among his first official acts as Chief Executive Partner, Mr Fuller sent the following email to the Mallesons partnership just days before Christmas last year:

From: Fuller, Stuart 
Sent: Thursday, 22 December 2011 6:22 PM
To: 
Subject: Ho, ho, ho

Dear Partners:

This is the last message for the year.  Promise.

2011 has been an interesting and challenging year on many fronts, and (on behalf of the team) thanks for your support, patience and friendship over that period.  I unashamedly promise you more of the same in 2012 – together with some fun.  We have increasing momentum in the firm, a great wind of excitement behind us with Panda and the best brand, talent and capability in the market.  Let’s remember that, and project it with full and unrelenting force into the market and onto our competitors.

I hope that you all have a happy, safe and relaxing Christmas and New Year with your families and friends, get some time to recharge your batteries and come back ready to leap into 2012 with all that it will offer to us.  For one, I can’t wait!

Best wishes

Stuart

PS  We all know that Santa needs his bills to be done.  The latest fees update is attached.  Bills can be done up until 1pm on Friday (tomorrow) or even later if you get in touch with the Finance stuff.  Please do all that you can.

Stuart Fuller | Managing Partner
Mallesons Stephen Jaques
Level 61, Governor Phillip Tower, 1 Farrer Place, Sydney NSW 2000

Ho ho HOLY SH*T!

Please “do all that you can” so that I’ve got so much xmas wedge that I’m no longer Fuller, I’m the Fullest! (*cough*) Santa can pay his non-existent bills. Oh, for shame Stu!

We got in touch with Mallesons regarding this outrage. To the firm’s credit, we received a response:

Regarding Santa and his bills that need to be paid … well, I guess that post GFC, even Santa is finding times harder than usual.

A big hello to all the well-behaved kids out there, facing a lump of coal in 2012. Perhaps Bad Santa will pop out of the chimney this year? And what about this “Panda” business? We sent Mallesons the following edited email, forwarding the email from Mr Fuller above:

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Fwd: Have yourself a very Panda Xmas
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:35:39 -0500
From: news@firmspy.com
To: <name@mallesons.com>
Cc: <name@mallesons.com>

Dear [Name],

Is “Panda” a reference to China or to King & Wood? Perhaps there is a more sinister meaning, given that the Panda is considered by the World Wildlife Fund as “among the world’s most threatened animals”? Please explain!

A spokesperson from the firm responded:

As our discussions with King & Wood progressed during 2011 we decided to give the project a name – not an uncommon practice in such instances – and felt that Project Panda was suitable given the iconic status that the Panda holds in China.

There you have it. A non-hibernating bear known to attack humans with a voracious appetite for minerals bamboo. Project Panda seems suitable indeed.

On that note and in closing, a big FS welcome to Stuart Fuller, the new CEP of Mallesons (soon to be renamed Kingswood Mallesons King & Wood Mallesons). We’ve had a few emails about Mr Fuller, but none funnier than one which described him as:

..a little vegan whippet.

We asked Mallesons whether it were true that Mr Fuller is a vegan and what, if any, changes he would implement to the Mallesons menu as a result. We’re yet to hear back from the firm. Perhaps Bad Santa is busy eating carrots?

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"Little Vegan Whippet": Mallesons CEP Stuart Fuller Takes Charge, Busts Out Bad Santa Suit, 3.6 out of 5 based on 12 ratings